The word “mother” has many definitions — one being “a woman who has given birth to a child.”
But for one Creve Coeur woman, this definition will soon take on a whole new meaning.
In the next few weeks, Devin Boles, 29, will embark on a journey to become a surrogate mother for a couple who lives across the U.S. And while she might not be the biological mother of the child, she is assisting a complete stranger in something many women take for granted — motherhood.
“If I can help one woman have this great feeling and sense of love by becoming a mother, I am very thankful to be a part of it,” she said. “It is an absolute honor this couple chose me to carry and nurture their child for nine months. I am very excited to help bring their baby into this world.”
Boles has lived in Creve Coeur for the majority of her life. She and her husband, Chris Boles, each have two children from past relationships.
Along with helping out another couple, the Boles said they are excited to experience pregnancy for the first time together.
Some might ask, ‘Why not just have one together’? Her husband underwent vasectomy, and four children in one household is plenty, she said.
“I just loved being pregnant,” Boles said. “I loved everything about it. I was never sick.”
Boles has been a mother for almost half of her life. She gave birth to her oldest daughter when she was 15 — an experience that has made her think so highly about motherhood.
“I had a choice. I could either grow up and take responsibility or there were lots of other options,” she said.
“There were so many statistics out there for teenage moms, and I wasn’t going to be a statistic. I was going to be the mom that took care of her kids.”
Now, she wants to help another woman become a mom because “becoming a mom is absolutely the greatest thing that ever happened to me,” she said.
The couple first came in contact with surrogacy through their niece, who recently became a surrogate. Last summer, after much research and discussion, she and her husband looked into the company Reproductive Possibilities in New Jersey — the same company that assisted her niece.
The first step was to apply, which was a lengthy process with psychiatric evaluations, Boles said.
“I basically had to tell my whole life story,” she said.
The company then made a detailed profile of them, which was look at by couples searching for a surrogate.
“They look for the same background and beliefs,” she said, adding once the selection was made in November, they did an over-the-phone interview with them. “From that point, we could decide if we wanted to go forward or not. All four of us decided to go for it.”
The biological mother, who wishes to remain anonymous, suffers from a lung condition causing it to be potentially fatal for her to carry a child.
“We have formed a friendship already,” she said. “We talked on a weekly basis. They plan on being very involved with the pregnancy, come to doctors appointments and be there for the delivery.”
Boles started her medication a few weeks ago, and the “transfer date” is scheduled for next week, she said.
“Basically they’re getting my body ready into thinking I’m pregnant now, so when they put the embryo in me, my body won’t reject it,” she said. “They will take her egg and his sperm and create an embryo. I’m what they call a ‘gestational carrier.’ I will strictly be their carrier.”
Boles said she is not nervous about giving birth for anther couple.
“You have to keep the mind-set the whole pregnancy, that it’s not yours,” she said. “After you have a baby, it’s so emotional, but I have enough family and support, that I think I will be OK at the end.”
Chris Boles said he is very excited about the process, too.
“I was supportive from the very beginning,” he said. “We wanted to do something for someone else. We are also using it as a teaching tool for our kids. ... There’s always someone out there that has something less.”
Boles said she understands the controversies out there, which include the perception that surrogacy is acting like God. However, she said they are prepared to deal with those who might not agree with their decision.
Boles said because of legal issues, she cannot discuss the amount of money she and her husband will be paid.
“A lot of people ask us that,” she said. “I’d be lying if I said the money isn’t going to be nice, but that’s definitely not why we’re doing it. You really have to have it in your heart because I don’t know if enough money would equal everything my husband and I are doing. And don’t forget about labor, it’s not like labor is a cup of tea.”
One of the main things the family is planning is a possible vacation to Mexico.
The Boles and the biological parents have decided to keep in contact after she gives birth. The parents also plan on telling the baby later on in life there was a gestational carrier involved, Boles said.
“There won’t be any secrets,” she said. “I think it will be cool to see in five to 10 years, where they’re at and what they’re doing.”
